Oh Our Boards
Paddleboarding is the simplest boat. Truly. It’s just two things, a shaped plank and paddle. Forget all that engineering and shaping science and fancy materials. Look at how minimal it is. It’s there an easier way to get on the water?
Unlike our boating friends, we can be on the water in a few minutes. Not sails to rig, no heavy hull to drag, no wheels. You just shlep that board to the water, leash yourself, then go. Fastest zero to water in the world. Easy as fish pie.
Our boards are simple and elegant, but with personality! A long, narrow board is a speedy sort, zipping here and there with no concern except how fast it’s going, a wahoo of the waterways. A wide board doesn’t care how fast it goes. It’ll get there safely, someday, somehow — a carp. Surf models swoosh here and there amongst the waves, down the surf and into the trough, the dolphins. Then there are the salmon, cruiser models that travel great distances, aiming for that faraway goal.
Sure we fall off our rides. Laugh at us, oh friends of the water. Laugh at our slips, bloops, splooshes, smacks, and plunges. That is our gift to you! Our newcomers to the sport make the best comedy, but our experts can sometimes pull a double twist with a flop finish. Bonus for laughter after the dismount. You’re welcome.
We’re not superior because we paddleboard. We’re actually inferior. We’re on the smallest boat on the water. Smaller than dingies, canoes, and kayaks. We can get swamped by the tiniest wake. We have to watch out for, well, everybody. But that makes the paddling experience clear. Avoid everything. Don’t get close to anything. Mind your own business. Stick with your own. We’re not unlike herring.
Put all these idiosyncrasies together and you have a tribe. We’re strangely bonded over our delicate boats. We love them and can’t stop talking about them. We fill out garages with board then proudly invite others to view the clutter. We invite friends along with us to join the fun. (See paragraph 4 for the fun.) On the water we are strangely attracted to each other. We greet and are happy when we know each other. Maybe it’s our relative rarity on the water, but we know we are bonded.
We are a tribe. A tribe of people who stand on surfboards and paddle. I’m happy to be a part.
